Chief Meteorologist Obama Speaks

Chief Meteorologist Barack Obama took to the helm Sunday evening to warn Americans about the fizzled hurricane named Irene:

“While the storm has weakened as it moves north, it remains a dangerous storm that continues to produce heavy rains…Response and recovery efforts will be an ongoing operation.”

Speaking of ongoing operations, America’s Chief Proctologist, Janet Napolitano, was by his side.  Donning her TSA gloves she warned:

“Dealing with a storm like this requires a three-phase approach:  preparation, response and recovery.”

Meantime, a real meteorologist (that would be me) was heard saying:

“Move away from the green-screen, Mr. President, and take out your anemometer, then check the wind.  What’s blowing around is a violent storm of unemployment, and financial misery.  The country is bankrupt.  Let your guys at the National Weather Service give us the weather forecast.  In the meantime, put away your lousy golf clubs, take out a calculator, act like a real American, and work on the economy because we’re damned-broke.”

That same real meteorologist (who is also a highly opinionated radio talk show host) also said, “When  Chief Proctologist Napolitano talks about “preparation, response and recovery,” I’m thinking of the mental exercises we must endure before, during and after her damned TSA rubdown procedures.