With the recent loss of my wife’s father, I have been reflecting on the process of mourning; something we don’t always seem to do well in western culture.
Too often our expressions of deep loss are extremely abbreviated. Those closest to the departed are immediately thrust into a whirlwind of tasks: funeral arrangements, obituaries, death certificates, contacting financial institutions, filing taxes, wills and trusts. While these assignments are vital, they can also act as distractions that might prevent us from taking the time to properly mourn.
For those not involved in handling the details noted above, our various occupations are often not compatible with carving out essential bereavement time. Getting a day off to attend a memorial, let alone taking a day off after hearing the news of a death, can be challenging.
Frequently there is a lack of compelling consolation and counsel which is often desperately needed following the death of a loved one. We don’t know who to turn to, who to talk to, who to shed tears with, so we tend to stuff our emotions, pressing on with the minutia of our lives.
And then there are our children who have no frame of reference to understand they will never see that special person again.
I recall witnessing an accident that took the life of my best friend when I was ten. Though I was an emotional wreck, my parents were ill-equipped to properly console me. I was back in school and football practice the next day. When one of our teammates was told he was taking our deceased friend’s place on the starting lineup, the poor little guy broke down crying. The team marched on that day because, I guess, it was thought that it was the best thing to do. It was decades before I was able to mourn Kenney’s untimely death and it brought long overdue healing to my life.
The Bible describes for us many important aspects of mourning, such as weeping, crying loudly, and setting aside days or even weeks to allow for healing. And even though the Christian has the assurance that when this earthly life has ended, eternal life has just begun, we are still entitled and encourgaed to express our raw emotions for the passing of another.
As King Solomon once said, God graciously allows us “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”
Next time, let’s make the time to mourn.