adoption

The title of this article reflects a death bed confession that, I argue, has never been uttered. No matter how wonderful or financially lucrative a position of employment may be, there is not a mother or father in their right mind who has gone to their grave wishing they had spent more time at the office, as opposed to spending more time with their children.

That stated, the editors at the New York Times seem convinced that being a parent—specifically being a mother—is detrimental to one’s career and mental health. In their Wednesday, June 25 edition the NYT published, “Motherhood Should Come With a Warning Label.” It was a dispiriting piece presenting motherhood in a purposefully dismal manner.

Not that I read the New York Times; I was motivated to examine at the article after learning about it via Focus on the Family’s Daily Citizen blog. Upon doing so, I was reminded of a conversation my brother and I had with our dad a couple weeks before he died of cancer. In a very rare moment, he let down his guard of vulnerability and shared straight from his heart. “I was wrong,” he said. “While I was doing deals, and making sales, and putting money in the bank and bread on the table, I never realized the most important thing was right in front of me.”

As he spoke those words, he extended his hands and forearms towards us, looking at me, then my brother, emphasizing that the two of us were the important things he missed. His confession immediately forced me to drop the hatchet for a multitude of (mostly trivial) things I had held against him.

It was a beautiful moment, occurring over thirty years ago, but I recall the scene like it was yesterday because Dad’s admission radically changed the course of my young family, as I will explain.

Getting back to the NYT progressive propaganda piece. In their view, stay-at-home moms experience a “motherhood penalty.” That term refers to the financial hit associated with trading the office for diaper duty and carpool lanes. And, according to the article, the penalty extends farther than just finances. They contend full-time mothers are disrespected, underappreciated victims who are subsequently subject to mental health maladies.

Let’s be real. There is no doubt all mothers (and, if I may add, all fathers too) have endured moments or even seasons of feeling stressed in a multitude of directions. Children can be difficult, demanding, exhausting and even just plain brats. I remember a time while raising our four kids where I experienced a revelation regarding Romans 3:23 which states, “…all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” My children were living proof that scripture was indeed correct!

But there is another Bible verse that is even more important in this discussion. The only Commandment with a promise declares, “Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be prolonged on the land which the Lord your God gives you” (Exodus 20:12). The command is clear: honoring our parents results in a special quality of life. And, if I may, that command and promise should motivate we parents to live our lives before our children in a manner that is honorable.

Now about my pride and joy. Upon discovering she was pregnant, my wife made it very clear that despite a masters degree and a great career, she was staying at home with our child, and I would be responsible to bring home the bacon. We didn’t even bother doing the math. Heck, we fell in love at the age of eighteen, married just out of college, and were now thrilled that a child was on the way. Several years later we decided to add to our family via adoption. My wife continued to stay at home as we added two more little mouths to our tribe.

By this time, I was doing a program at the CBS-TV station in San Francisco called, “Brian’s Kids.” It was a weekly feature segment on the news highlighting a foster child who was eligible for adoption. Over the course of ten years, we assisted in the adoption of over 400 children. I came home one day telling my wife about this five-year-old named Josh. “You’ve got to meet this kid! We have to adopt him!” My sentiments were echoed by my oldest son who was with me when we were filming our segment with Josh.

To make a long story short, our family did meet Josh, and everyone loved him. But my wife had some valid concerns. “You leave the house for work sometimes as early as noon,” she said. “And you’re never home before midnight because you’re on the Eleven O’Clock News. I help with homework, fix dinner, and then put these kids to bed. If we’re going to add another child to this family—”

And then she dropped hammer.

“… you need to find a job that is more family friendly.”

Gulp. Mind you, this was back when local TV news paid big bucks.

I was instantly reminded of the conversation with my dad.

We wanted Josh, and Josh wanted us. My decision was probably as easy as the one my wife made when we discovered she was pregnant. I quit my job to assist my wife in being the best mom she could possibly be to our children. In due time, I received a job offer that was much better for the family schedule, and a heckuva lot of fun too: my own talk radio show on America’s first all-conservative station: KSFO in San Francisco.

All these many years later, my wife and I are blessed with adult children who recollect having wonderful years at home with a mom who was totally available for guidance, wisdom, and encouragement, 24/7; and a dad who was not unconditionally married to his career. The New York Times and its slogan, “All the news that’s fit for print,” is an out of touch dinosaur pushing ideals that have never stood the test of time.